So, the restructuring begins.

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The first week was the mourning. Don’t think I want to go
through anything like that again.

Last week was the healing, I don’t believe a week is enough.
It seems there are different phases to the healing. Looking
back on last week, I would have to say some sort of denial
took place. I didn’t do much of anything except play Madden
on the PS4. No sense of urgency, routine or reason.

I did a lot of house cleaning. Well, rearranging. Sorting
through papers. Eating chicken wings and Mac & Cheese.
(Thanks Alford Elementary!)
Watching movies…

Mondays are going to be difficult days for me. Max and I were
actually at the cemetery yesterday about the time the officer
knocked on the door on the 30th. That’s when it hit me. Life was
never going to be the same.

When we got back to the house, I had every intention
of going to work. I just couldn’t do it. I knew that while everything
else in life had turned upside down, work hadn’t changed a bit. It
was still set on go from my previous life.

Some would say, familiarity is a good thing. I talked with my management
staff and expressed my thoughts on being unable to work in the same
environment or capacity. If life was going to change, work had to change
a little also. I agree familiarity is good, I am just afraid I will
become complacent in a comfortable and familiar environment. They felt
something could be worked out.

I didn’t sleep well last night, don’t know why. I was up at 3 am.
Don’t know what time I fell back asleep, but I apparently shut both
alarms off and Max was pawing me at 9:30 to get up… it was time
to go see mom. That’s about the time we went all last week to the
cemetery. While he doesn’t understand the concept, I think he does
understand the ritual.

It was almost 11 this morning when we got back to the house,
so I didn’t go into work. The reasons are numerous… Yet I
struggle to make a definitive decision. Time is what everyone
tells me. One Day At A Time.

Lots of paperwork to file and administer the next couple days.
Will be an interesting learning experience. If your married
or have a significant other, learn these things together! Make
sure you have a will!

So this week continues the healing. Little more cleaning and
sorting today. Tomorrow and Thursday I suspect are going to
be pretty busy. I have a lot to do.

Thank you everyone for everything!


Max is hanging in there 🙂

Posted in General by with 2 comments.


  • Sherry Walker says:

    You and max are still in my thoughts and prayers. Don’t rush this part of the process. It is never easy, and you are right, things will never be the same. I have just now started trying to take control of my own life, after 9 months. Trying to make sense of it all is useless. There is no sense to it. I am still struggling, but slowly getting better. You will too my friend. It may be in small bits and pieces here and there, but it will happen. Many prayers and blessings for you and Max.
    Sherry Walker

  • Rosemarie Mullenix says:

    Oh,DA I am soooo sorry….;o( I have had back,neck,foot,and hand issues so haven’t been on internet. My prayers will be with you DAILY as this is something that no matter how long,or how well we think we are healing, A song, a saying, a place can bring up all the sorrow and sadness again. I think highly of you and pray that PEACE and HEALING will daily grow in your heart and memories…..
    With Sincere caring and sadness,
    Rosemarie Mullenix roseinmn mnhedgehog

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